I'm Sorry
by jojoberry
Summary: What Macavity goes through when Demeter breaks it off. Disclaimer: I don't own any of the marvelous cats :(


_I'm sorry_

His mind was stagnant the only thought was those two words that echoed in his mind. A small meager sentence that one hears every day. Only this time the words had no meaning. He should have been upset-angry even, but he had long since lost feeling. She held his gaze waiting for a response, and in that gaze she held his future, his passion, his _devotion. _

When she broke the eye contact he fell. For what seemed like eternity he descended down and down, deeper and more quickly as time passed. As he fell he could feel nothing, no pain, no heartache, just the empty still nothingness she had left him with. Down and down and down he fell further into the abyss that had become his mind. And just before he believed that this would go on forever he crashed, along with the remains of his world.

The dam had broke and in a rush, emotion began to soak him in waves until he was completely submerged in all that he was feeling. He gasped for air, but was met with the salty water of an ocean that had formed around him. Bubbles tickled at his sides and the water froze him to the bone. Sharp teeth pricked at his body like small knives as he was dragged under the deep blue water.

The lack of air made his lungs burn in contrast to the icy blue, and just before he slipped away a burst of energy reverberated through him. With much struggle he freed himself and swam up into the light, his tight muscles twitching in the cold.

His head finally jerking above the water, he was met face-to-face with an island he had somehow missed before. He pulled himself halfway onto land before flopping down, exhausted. His body twitched painfully on the sand leaving him feeling lifeless.

Breaths were short and did not serve any purpose, a heart beat pulsed loudly in his ears, and two hot tears fell from his eyes. These signs of life mocked him, how dare they display life when he was so dead inside? And so it became his mission to stop it. Each breath or pulse of life was showing his failure, the sooner he died the better.

Tearing out fur and ripping flesh he did his best to destroy his disastrous self. Teeth and claws became ammunition in the war against himself, bloodshed showed success. Soldiers marched across the battle ground leaving lifeless bodies for the picking. Bombs crashed leaving whole acres obliterated, while air planes zoomed overhead. A yellow sky matched the red battleground and gave an eerie glow to the fight.

Generals shouted orders and the screams of those not yet dead, but on their way out filled the air. Somewhere a whistle sounded and people began frantically running for their lives, he tried to run, but very quickly found himself not able to. His paws were glued to the floor and no amount of struggle could free them next to him a can dropped out of the sky and began to roll towards him. It was army green with something written on the side.

It hit his foot with a thud and a dirty yellow gas leaked out of the can with a hiss. He noticed a picture on the end of the can, and screamed. A skull and crossbones watched him as the stream of gas grew more and more powerful. Every opening in his face began to secrete a bright green mucous and he shook violently. Breathing turned to coughing and light to darkness as he fell to the blood stained ground. His vision clouded with the gas and he closed his eyes.

When he opened them again everything was a bright white. He sneezed as his eyes adjusted, and the sound echoed numerous times before it died down. It was only quiet again before a happy laugh filled the void, it too echoed, and after it came words, conversations, and more laughter. He turned around to see Demeter.

The laugh had undoubtably come from her. She looked ravishing with her glossy fur and smiling face. Then he saw someone he did not at all expect to see, himself. There he was as clear as day, laughing and chatting with her. He looked as perfect and young as she did. He looked down at the real him, tattered and bloody, nowhere near the flawless others.

He called out to them, but they didn't notice him. So he called louder, still with no success. He started towards them in a way that almost looked like swimming. Slowly he reached them and reached out to touch Demeter, but inches before they made contact a quick shock sent him jumping back. He cradled his hand and rubbed the pain away. Then Demeter began to speak to his dream self.

"I love you." Her words were like silk as she talked to his double, nuzzling her head into his shoulder.

"I love you too, Dem." He purred letting her curl into his arms with her back facing him.

Their words echoed in the same strange way their laughter did, each word repeating itself until it died. When they spoke it was siren-like drawing the listener in with it's captivating rhythm and meticulousness, with every syllable drawn out to it's end. Words seemed to dance in the air.

"Even if I almost left you for…Munkustrap?" Her face turned sour when she said his brother's name. The memory came back to him of when Demeter ended it between them. But dream Dem had said she 'almost' left him. So did that mean he was with her again? His thoughts were interrupted by the other Macavity

"My darling, no matter what I will always love you." They snuggled together like two peas in a pod.

"I'm sorry for what I did Macky. _I'm sorry_…" Her last words seemed to rip through him and tear him in half. Suddenly there were no more dream cats a burst of fireworks clouded his vision, and his other senses perished. all was quiet before he felt a snap within him. Something that would change him forever, that would take away the innocent and naive young lover and change him into a beast.

Then he heard a repeating whisper. Those last words she said to him, again and again. Each time louder and stronger until they were screaming in his head. Everything grew louder and more vibrant, his senses became overwhelmed, until everything was a tornado of emotion.

Slowly it began to settle, things calmed. His head cleared and he found himself right back where he started in front of Demeter, the queen who broke his heart. He blinked, how long had he been here? She didn't look concerned for him, could it really have only been a few moments?

The only thing clear to him now was one thing.

_"I'm not."_

**So what did you think? I didn't have anyone beta it yet, but I wanted to get this up! Also I know that it's fast and hard to follow, but please bear with me.**

**Tell me everything you thought about it all with a few taps on the keyboard and a click of a button**


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